In high school and college, I NEVER pictured myself to be on THOSE types of meds. I was so naïve in thinking that they were only for crazy people. Those who were institutionalized, those who were different than me. Looking back, I should have recognized that I would eventually be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. My mom’s side of the family are what I used to categorize as “worriers”. They worried about everything. Especially my mom. That gene was passed along to me and of course I took it to a whole new level. I always think the worst is going to happen. Achy back? Must be meningitis. Headache? Brain Cancer. Husband late coming home? Car accident. Although I am mentally healthier than I used to be, I still get that pit in my stomach in certain situations.
From the age of 23, I have been on and off of depression/anxiety medicine. My “Quarter Life Crisis” happened right on time- I hated my job which caused anxiety which caused me to be physically sick, which caused me to be depressed. It’s a vicious cycle, so everyone said. The doctor originally prescribed me Lexapro and I will never forget laying on my couch on my 24th birthday, literally wanting to die. The medication was making my mind go crazy and I knew immediately that I needed to stop taking it. Some people can take that medicine, my body could not. After a few painful trips to the doc and a few meds later, I discovered the one for me: Zoloft. It made my head clear. Crying wasn’t happening every day. I wouldn’t get pissed over little things. I was me again.
Fast forward 10 + years and yes, I am still popping one every single morning- 7 AM on the dot. Of course there have been times (especially postpartum) where I would “relapse”, but there was always a light at the end of the tunnel. Moms with kids who are not on Zoloft, I salute you! Seriously! I know that everyone is different and some people were born with a flawless chemical balance in their brain, but I was not. And I will admit it. And for all of the moms (dads, too!) out there who feel weird taking an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant, there is nothing to hide. No reason to be ashamed. There is no reason to go through life feeling lost/hopeless/uneasy all of the time. Talking about anxiety is a major step in overcoming the horrible illness and I will tell anyone with ears about how medicine is here on this earth for a reason! Please, if you are feeling “off”, tell your spouse/significant other/mom/sister/friend. Honestly, it is the first step to feeling “normal” again.
love you, your honesty, and love how awesome you are to talk to about this stuff.
I can so relate to this! I was diagnosed 10 years ago with depression/anxiety. I was on so many meds that I switched docs and went to U of Penn. Take meds daily, which help, but as you say, there are plenty of times that pit in your stomach appears and your mind goes crazy! Most people dont understand how debilitating it can be and think you’re using “your illness” as a way to get out of doing things! I too could go on and on about this, but I know you understand what I’m talking about.