Dear Booze,
We have had a relationship for quite some time now. We dabbled in high school, but college is where we really started our serious 20 + year relationship. We had a blast and were together every weekend and a lot of weeknights. If it wasn’t for lacrosse, we would have been inseparable. You (mostly gross beer and boxed wine) made parties fun and were the focus of my busy and wild social life. I will never forget power hours and pre-gaming with the girls. Bars. Parties. You played a part in all of my favorite memories.
Even when college was over, we stayed pretty tight. Sitting on the porch of our first house with you, especially on a quiet spring night, was just so relaxing. Especially after a long day at work….it’s like I deserved you! A reward, if you will. And the amount of money we spent on you….yikes. We could probably own a vacation home or two. Our wedding was the best time because of you. The dance floor was packed and I am pretty sure everyone hung out with you that night.
When I was pregnant, both times, I didn’t see you. I missed you though. OK, when I was preggo with #2 I saw you maybe twice in wine form…but that is it. Life was boring and I found other things to do, like binge TV, read, and color (yeah- color). When husband and friends went out for the night to hang out with you, it was tough and I was so bitter jealous. But I got through it. I even bought a non-alcoholic beer. Ew. We always found our way back to each other.
Sometimes I would quit you for a week or two at a time because you did me wrong, but I always forgave you and invited you back into my life. We didn’t hang out daily, but a few times a week for sure. In my thirties, kids and work and responsibility always impacted how much time we spent together. You made me sick a few times, but overall it was a blast.
I turned 40 this month. The last few times we hung out, I felt terrible. You made me miserable inside, and it radiated on the outside. You also tear down my will power and make me do things like eat things I shouldn’t be eating.
I decided to give you up for a while. It’s been real, but I need to reset and get my life back together.
We haven’t been together in 8 days, and I feel amazing. I even lost some lbs. I am clear-headed, I don’t feel inflammation or bloated, and I feel like I can really do this. I was secretly hoping my anxiety would calm down with you away, but unfortunately, she is still here.
As I write this, I feel like I depended WAY TOO MUCH on you. I am writing you a damn letter! I am not sure it was/is a drinking problem per se, but I felt like I needed you to have fun and to help with my social anxiety. I got caught up in the whole “mom drinking wine culture” and fit right in. Hell, every single time a friend saw a funny wine meme, saw a pair of wine socks, heard that there was a bottle of new wine in the store….they would tell me they thought of me. I don’t want my legacy to be “wine mom.”
So, for the time being, I am leaving you in all of your forms. 21 days is the goal (I am one-third of the way there), and if I last longer, cool. Maybe we can see each other again casually, here and there for special occasions and holidays. Until then, I will be spending more time with your frenemies: seltzer, iced tea and water.
Don’t be mad.
Love
Me
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