In the last few years, I have dreaded turning 40. Knowing so many amazing, confident women who are already in the club, I am not quite sure what had me so upset about this number. Maybe it’s because I still think of myself as being in my late twenties. People always say that it’s not how old you are, it’s how old you feel. Well…is it normal to always feel 28? That’s my number. Forever 28.
A small part of me wanted a huge bash for my 40th. All out loud music, with all of my friends and family. Open bar. Outside. Perfect weather. The introverted part of me wanted a nice dinner with a few close friends and a separate quiet family celebration. Low key. No matter what I chose, it was going to be just right.
When the pandemic started back in March, I realized that my birthday might not be what I had in mind. I wondered what June would look like, and held out hope that we could celebrate in a normal way. As the weeks passed, my expectations lowered and I understood and accepted that my birthday was going to be spent at home with my hubs, kids, and the new pup. I was going to make the most of it, even if I wasn’t getting to party with my people.
A few weeks before the big day, some quarantine restrictions were lessened. It looked like sometime in June I would get to finally see friends and extended fam who I have missed so much during this time. As I write this, I am still patiently waiting.
My birthday was Wednesday, June 3. Naturally, I took PTO because I wanted zero stress in my day….especially work stress. The weather was nice in the morning and after my 100th Peloton ride, I headed to Starbucks by myself. The only alone time that exists anymore is while I am driving to the store or to run an errand. It is lovely. After the coffee run, I came home and relaxed. The major decision of the day was picking out a place for takeout. I took a nap and was just blah. The build-up of turning this milestone was ultimately taken over by feelings of sadness. So many things are going on in this world, and my 40th birthday was lower on the list of things that mattered that day.Two of my best friends from childhood came by to have a few drinks, and then it got dark. Rain. Pouring. Loud winds. The scary rain that looks like it’s coming down sideways. A few minutes later, the electricity went out and the birthday “celebration” quickly ended.
Once the rain stopped, we ventured outside to see the damage. DAMN WAS THERE DAMAGE. Trees down, power lines down. It looked like a scene from a movie…pure destruction. I sat in the car, sobered up, and charged my phone. We knew that this was not going to be a small outage. Power was restored on Saturday the 6th at 8 PM. We lost a lot of food and just were drained from worry. Thankfully, no one in our area was hurt and the houses hit can be repaired.
Today is June 10th, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on the last week. My birthday came and went, and I don’t feel any different. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be and my boobs keep growing (UGHHHH PLEASE STOP), but I am the same me. I still have a sick sense of humor, I still am obsessed with the Kardashians, and wear tie-dye like a tween. My Apple playlists will also prove that I do not act my age.
Over the weekend, my father in law reminded me that in ten years, I will be 50. I told him to shut the hell up and decided that I am going to ENJOY these years and not worry about the next milestone. My kids might think I am lame, but I know who I am. While I didn’t get my huge bash or a fun celebration, it was still one to remember. 40 is the new 20, so I’ve heard. I will stick with 28.
Love this and you!