Day 108. WOW. We are really in this thing, aren’t we? As I write this, I am watching the news and shaking my head, literally. It’s all too much and makes me anxious and enraged. I am feeling a lot of ways today but mostly focused on how insane life has been as a working mom during 2020.
Even if you are not a working om, I assume many of you can relate to some of these feelings. No matter what, we are all in this together. Hopefully by reading this, you will feel that you are not alone and our feelings (I THINK) are, for the most part, normal.
- Coffee/caffeine is essential. The iPhone alarm goes off and eyes are open, it’s coffee time. PM Zoom meeting, coffee time. Maybe a Diet Dr. Pepper. After dinner pick-me-up….more coffee. I prefer a nice, delicious cold brew. Tonight I had a client call, so I drove to Dunkin’ for some caffeine while I took the meeting from my car. It’s the little things.
- Scheduled Zoom meetings instantly cause anxiety. I hear the alert on my phone. Another meeting. Will my kid need me to wipe her butt mid-meeting? Will the puppy start going nuts with the barking? Will my children start fighting and screaming at the top of their lungs? Will my husband yell the F word in the background? You never know. (PS these have all happened to me)
- There is a constant feeling of not being present. I feel like I am not giving 100 % at work, and I feel like I am not giving 100% to my family. I want to be able to do both….and maybe I am and just don’t realize it. Either way, I know that when I am glued to my computer I feel terrible that I am not with my kids, and when I am with the kids the guilt kicks in that I am not online. The cycle is brutal. There are not enough hours in the day.
- Dreaming of vacation or getaway is a daily occurrence. I have spent a lot of time on Airbnb and VRBO looking for the perfect getaway. Preferably waterside and with a nice dock. Pet friendly. Not TOO expensive. Secluded and not a far drive. A trip to the Bahamas. Maybe the beach. But maybe not, because we are still trying to social distance. Yeah….pretty sure we are not leaving this house for a while. It would be nice, though.
- You have not made yourself a priority. Self-care is near impossible. There is no escape and no such thing as alone time. What I wouldn’t give for a she-shed right now…..but they would find me. I know it. When I shower, the little one needs me. I open my book and someone needs help. My hair is a mess. I need a massage, facial, mani and pedi. As much as I love my sweats and leggings and Ugg slippers, I can’t wait to get all dolled up for a night out. One day…
- If multitasking was an Olympic sport, us working moms would tear that shit UP. No one can multi-task like us. And I say it with confidence. I can be typing a work email, answering a question from one of my kids, eating lunch, and talking to my mom all at the same time. We are seriously skilled.
- You are jealous of moms who don’t work. I hate being envious and comparing my life to someone else’s. It is one of my worst qualities. We all have issues and not everyone’s life is perfect. BUT when I am sitting at my computer for the 8th hour of the day scrolling through social media and see a fellow mommy on the beach with the kids, or in the pool, or doing whatever…I can’t help but want to be in her shoes. Disclaimer: I definitely am thankful I have a job and grateful for my life. And I know the grass is not always greener. But, it’s hard not to wonder.
- You miss your work commute. My work commute was 45 minutes. I complained every damn day. Ask anyone. I hated it. Now, what I wouldn’t give to have 90 minutes to myself in my car BLASTING my music, listening to Stern or a podcast, and just taking a few moments to breathe before entering chaos, whether it be at work or at home.
- You have a hard time “shutting down”. Emails are always being checked. Our laptops are always open. Our eyes hurt from constantly looking at a screen. We can’t stop thinking about meetings, deadlines, and calls. It is just damn exhausting & at this point seems like no end is in sight. The feeling of not knowing how long this will last seems to make it even worse.
- You have flipped out on your kids more than you would care to admit. How many times can you ask your children to brush their teeth? Wash their faces? Eat breakfast? Get dresses? Even though I wrote my kids a morning checklist, they still need to be reminded. I am constantly taking away electronics for bad behavior…yet it still happens. There is a lot of yelling in this house and I hate it. It’s draining. And then I feel bad. And then they do something else to piss me off. It is honestly a daily struggle and wicked cycle. All happening while I am trying to work.
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