I was let go from my job exactly one week ago. Getting the news was very much a shock, but in the back of my mind I was kind of expecting it to happen at some point because of the whole pandemic situation. I take pride in my work ethic and consider myself to be a valuable employee, so of course I took the news as a major punch to the gut. I cried, was angry, cried some more and felt all of the feelings. Since college graduation, work has always been a constant. Waking up with no computer to log in to and no work to-do-list was not normal to me. I felt like I got dumped with very little warning.
The few days following the break up, I was in a major fog. There would be moments of peace, but then something would remind me that I literally just lost my job. Why was I so sad? Is it normal to feel this way? Why can’t I just get over it? All of these thoughts and questions were invading my brain and all I wanted was to just feel OKAY. My entire life was flipped in a matter of minutes & I was having a hard time adjusting. I am lucky enough to have friends and family remind me of who I am and that I will come out of this an even better person and employee, but it still just hurt.
There is always a silver lining. Since I have not been chained to my laptop, I can concentrate on the one thing that I have wanted to be a priority for the last almost 11 years. I can be a full-time mom. One regret I have always had was paying too much attention to work instead of doing things like trips to the creek, hikes and impromptu breakfast dates. This week has opened my eyes and made me appreciate that I finally have time, which is something that I am not used to having.
I thought it would take me months to recover from losing my job, but honestly it took only days. I can hop on the Peloton during the day without feeling guilty. I can make my kids lunch without having to rush to get back online. I finally scheduled my daughter’s 7-year-old well visit that I have been putting off because I wanted to save PTO. I can lay in bed and do what I love doing, writing, at 3:45 on a Wednesday afternoon. If these were normal, non-COVID times, I would probably be at the spin studio or lunching with friends while the kids were at school. I hope one day I will get to enjoy that part of not having a job.
While I am uncertain of how long this lifestyle will be sustainable (I’m talking about you, bills!), I will make sure that the time will be well-spent enjoying life and staying far, far, far away from Zoom meetings and Excel sheets. I will not wake up in the middle of the night worried about the next deal I close or the upcoming sales meeting. I may have been let go from my job, but I am now letting go of work responsibility and stress and focusing on my family and myself for once.
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