Working Moms: The Guilt is Real

As the kids get older, my working mom guilt is getting stronger. For the most part, it is controlled. But there are times when it just takes over my soul and I feel like a shit mom. When the kids were babies, they didn’t really realize I was at work and even if they did, they seemed happy and content. Now sometimes I wonder if they can tell that I am running around like a hot mess. The struggle is seriously real and some days I don’t even know how I juggle it all…but somehow I do.

According to the 2015 Bureau of Labor Statistics report, 69.9 % of women with children under age 18 were working or looking for work. This percentage seems to include part-time and full-time work. Sometimes it feels like we are surrounded by stay-at-home moms, but it is not the case.
Below are some of the reasons why being a working mom sucks. I do not have any solutions or answers on how to cope, but I can tell you that if you feel this way you are NOT ALONE. We are the majority.

 

SICK KIDS
Working mom guilt tends to increase when the kids are sick. 100% of me wants to stay with them and snuggle all day long. But, there is an extra piece of me that feels the need to be at work, doing my job. My husband and I can alternate taking days off and we have some grandparent help but it is always stressful figuring out the schedules and juggling responsibilities.
The other day I called the doctor to schedule a follow up and the receptionist said, “Bring her in at 9 am tomorrow.” OH SURE, let me just bring her in at 9 because I have nothing else going on. Life doesn’t stop just because I have a sick kid. I wish more people would understand this.

FIELD TRIPS & CLASS PARTIES
While I love being involved in my children’s class activities and field trips, I cannot be available to chaperone every field trip and attend every holiday party. This was reality for me this week for my 1st grader’s Valentine’s Day party. I was supposed to be a volunteer, but since I worked from home and took some PTO on Friday and Monday (SICK KIDS), I felt GUILTY about taking the time to go, so I didn’t. I felt guilt when I emailed the homeroom mom to tell her I couldn’t make it, and I felt guilt when I had to tell my son WHY I couldn’t be there. All in all, no fun.

HOMEWORK
When I walk in the door at 6 PM, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting down and re-teaching a math lesson. Have you seen 1st grade math these days? It is no joke. I feel that I do not spend enough time on homework, but for my sanity, that is the way it has to be.

POSTPARTUM TIME OFF
Most new moms take between 6-12 weeks of maternity leave. I was lucky enough to take 12 weeks of leave for both of my children, but both times it was unpaid. NOT COOL for families where both parents need to work in order to pay the bills. The United States is so far behind other countries when it comes to postpartum time off. I hope one day that we will be able to catch up so working moms have more time to spend with their newborns.

CHILDCARE
Each week when I write our daycare check a little part of me dies inside. Not only is it an expense that is rather new to us (we were lucky enough to have our in-laws babysit until we moved about a year ago), but it is money that I feel I could be spending at Target 
There is a positive to this though. My three year old LOVES daycare and I could not be happier with the staff. I have absolutely no worries about her when I am at work, which is a stress reliever…which kind of makes it worth it on the end.
It is also so rough when I drop her off at daycare when sometimes all I want to do are activities I see SAHM’s do with their kids: weekday play-dates, baking cookies, doing crafts, and meeting friends for coffee. As a working mom, all of those activities have to be crammed into the weekend, along with all of the other stuff that needs to get done.

BALANCING WORK & HOME LIFE
This is a tough one. I try to rush home from work to see the kids, which is why I tend to not work that late. Luckily, my job allows me to log on at night to make up time when needed, but I always feel so guilty that I am not in the office 10 hours a day. And if I was in the office 10 hours a day, I would feel guilty that I wasn’t with my kids. It is constantly weighing on me and is one of my top stress inducers. Moms, we need to figure out the perfect balance. If you find it, will you share it with me?

 

 

As you know, there are quite a few reasons why being a working mom sucks. BUT, there are a few reasons why I need to work. First, we need two incomes to live the live that we want to live. With our bills, it would be impossible to have a single income. I think this is the case for most of us. Second, emotionally I do not think k I could be a full-time SAHM. My patience is close to zero, and I just don’t think I was meant to do it. I never had the chance to test this theory, but I am pretty sure I am right. The third reason I need to work is because I am competitive. I love the rush of making a sale, and finishing my to-do list makes me happy. It also helps that I work with some really awesome people. SO- whether you are a working mom like me, or a stay at home mom, I just think we all need to find balance and we will successfully get through this mom life.